My Weary Query

Today I submitted a story to my favorite radio program, This American Life. I’ve no expectations for broadcast, considering that they get thousands of submissions, but still, it feels good taking the chance, and even entertaining the notion that it could get some attention.

It’s hard to share non-academic work, especially my attempts at fiction. The more I get attached to a piece, the more I want to protect it from injury. That certainly isn’t the way folks should approach writing–but because I put so much of myself in it, it’s hard to take rejection without just a little bit of hurt.

Then there’s always that feeling it just isn’t good enough. . . (at least not yet), so better just hold onto it awhile.

Or, in my case, there’s the dread that folks will assume something into my life experience through the characters and situations I create. They are, of course, based loosely on my own experiences and psychology, or the quirks I appreciate in others, however exaggerated, as they manifest in fictional people and moments in a life. I think that’s what writer’s do—there’s no escaping it.

I’m gradually getting over my paralysis putting some of my fiction out there for feedback. This, after all, is one aspect of the writer’s workshop–sharing with others our thinking and process as a draft takes form over time. Writing shouldn’t be such a mystery, such a private affair. The thinking behind it needs to be pretty explicit among other writer’s. Ideally.

I think that makes the process much more interesting for students, and a lot more motivating, too. Especially the notion that it takes time and multiple revision for a piece to evolve into its final form, and that we all, given the right working conditions, can craft something enduring and special. And what better way to enhance teaching than by sharing our own experiences trying to make a go of it as a writer, and the many purposes for which we write to get things done in the world.

I often enjoy watching the DVD commentaries about how a movie comes together—the story behind the story, so to speak: how an idea happened, and how it evolved into the movie we’re watching.

So, I am gradually letting go, ever so slowly, and thinking of ways to put my work out there. I’m even considering adapting a story I’ve written for a performance piece at the 2008 Frontera Fest. We’ll see if I still have the courage by the time submissions are due.

And, honestly, I think part of sustaining creativity is imaging a potential audience, and hoping that, somehow, someway, through a story people will be affected in life-affirming ways.